Money/status, become super fit, or go overseas.Nowadays instead of women with kids settling, they just stay single.How are 3s like me supposed to bang hotties?!
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Young men reveal why so many of them are single: ‘Dates feel more like job interviews’
- Thread starter DeepEnigma
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Because we like to complete a task to perfection.
MacReady13
Member
Sort of reminds me of a film I love made in 1987 called Amazon Women On The Moon, which is a film not too dissimilar to The Kentucky Fried Movie (both directed or in part directed by John Landis) which is basically a comedy film sketch show! Anyway, In Amazon, there is a segment where Steve Guttenberg and Rosanna Arquette are they matched up for a date. She then proceeds to pull up EVERYTHING about his life and questions him on everything that he has ever done in life and, before they even go anywhere, she ends it with him with him standing there wondering what in the fuck is going on! Seems pretty prevalent if you ask me, and it was made 36 years ago!
Toons
Member
I think men are taught attach their value to their sexuality more. Having a woman is a symbol of status of success for them, even if they have other forms of success any man can still be hit with the "no bitches" or "virgin" qualifier down to this day
Women don't get that to the same extent. Men aren't seen as a gateway to success, but a goal that may eventually come to be as a part of the other stuff. A single but successful man is viewed by other men has less successful, while a single but successful woman will more likely be encouraged by women, well meaning ones at least under they statt to hit middle age.
Men have also been told by other men, for generations, that things like opening your heart up, crying, close emotional bonds with other men, and seeking mental health assistance are sifnd of weakness, femininity, homosexuality, etc.
All that happens is ones with emotional or mental struggles don't tell anyone, bottle it up, or lash out on those around them, losing jobs; family, and friends and end up much more likely to take themselves out at that point.
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If it wasn't for the fact that my current GF knew me from long ago and made a move as soon as I became single.
I'd probably still be single.
My social circle is mostly 4 friends or the people at the office (Where I have to go once a month)
Dating app made me depressed and I think I'd rather be single for a few years than to go back to those.
I'd probably still be single.
My social circle is mostly 4 friends or the people at the office (Where I have to go once a month)
Dating app made me depressed and I think I'd rather be single for a few years than to go back to those.
DeepEnigma
Gold Member
I also feel young boys (mainly of single mothers) being berated in schools for being boys and conditioned that "masculinity is toxic/bad" also drives depression and confusion when it can't be expressed properly in healthy outlets of before.
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Beastclaw Raider
Member
Spent most of my life starting in my 20s with the mother of my kids, then I spent 4 years single. All women I dated in those 4 years (late 30s to 40) only wanted kids since they realised it was getting too late for them, the clock was ticking.
Then I spent a lot of time with a collegue that became a friend that became my girlfriend. She's much younger than me and didnt want kids and still to this day. So yeah, if it wasnt someone I already knew from my circle, I'd probably still be single.
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I did that one before. It worked.
Beastclaw Raider
Member
Haha whaaat, please explain
Chiggs
Member
Nowadays instead of women with kids settling, they just stay single.
I’m not a 3, more like a 7, but I paid a really hot Asian stripper 5k to have sex with me back in 2009. She approached me with the proposition, which I kind of took as a compliment. I chalk this up to me A) being a naive mark and B) having a good attitude, good hygiene, a decent sense of humor, and a fat wallet. A week later we met for a 4-hour session at a hotel.
There’s not a night that goes by where I don’t think of her perfect, surgically-altered C-cups that I sucked on for a least 2 of those 4 hours. And that toned, taut body…OMG. She was within striking distance of Kiana Tom.
Anyway, get some money and conduct yourself reasonably well, and maybe one day you can pay a hottie to screw you.
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German Hops
Member
Women are repulsed by ugly men, worldwide. I don't see how going overseas will change anything, unless you plan to trick.
Which, you could also do domestically.
5K!? DAMN son, you paid 4900$ above the MSRP
chromhound
Member
Just become passport bros 
TheDreadBaron
Member
Contradiction detected
Jk, cool story though. Never fucked with an asian girl, afraid I might break them in twain.
Chiggs
Member
I was young and dumb. Honestly, I don’t regret it. Also, this was an upscale strip club. These women weren’t skanks…well, most of them, anyway.
TuxedoSammy
Banned
Ah, the standard incel-response that simply isn't true.
What you listed are preferences of ALL genders. I doubt there's a single guy here who wouldn't prefer a hot, cool, rich, small woman with great legs as opposed to just an average girl with average income.
I do prefer 6'0" tall guys and a dick between 6-7", but, like most women, my preferences don't dictate who I actually date. The qualities that matter most and dictate who I want to date are being really lenient on appearance and more to do with his character. I've liked a man who was 5'2" and dated a man who was 5'6" with an average dick. Women are less shallow when it comes to physical appearance compared to men, which is why you're more likely to see a hot woman with an ugly man.
In regards to the rest of what you wrote: Uh, yeah, I would hope my bf consistently cares for me, both emotionally and in all other meanings of the word, just as I would for him. Th-that's what a mutual relationship is. lol
No one should be dictating who goes where. If I want to go to clubs, I'm going to clubs. If my bf is uncomfortable with it, we can have a discussion about it. I don't personally think clubs or bars are something a mate should be requesting off-limits, unless it's a strip club or there's been previous problematic behavior, such as cheating. But that's a difference in beliefs where the solution is finding a partner who shares that similar belief system...and not cheating.
The fact of the matter is is MOST women just want a good man based on traits of integrity: honest, loyal, hard working, considerate, communicative, etc. In return, she should also subscribe to the same standards.
I've flirted with a lot of men over the years, and dated four out of a pool of 60+. Every single one of them was a liar, and sometimes worse. I've mingled with introverts, extroverts, charismatic, shy, nerdy, outgoing, sweet good boy, bad boy, etc. The most heart breaking of them all are the sweet ones who you think are honest and kind, but you find out they're just as much liars and cruel as the bad boy Chads y'all hate so much.
Chiggs
Member
I find this fascinating. Any examples of a “sweet one” who turned out to be a massive liar?
BlackTron
Member
This idea of two people mutually having standards of conduct took me back to a wondrously naive headspace of old Disney movies and 90s TV shows plots.
Rentahamster
Rodent Whores
Self improvement isn't easy, but it pays off. Life isn't fair, and some people are born with "ugly" features (by Western standards). Going to a place where your natural features are judged differently can help. There are a lot of cultures out there, with a lot of different ideas about what is "beautiful" in a human. Additionally, you can overcome the low end of the genetic attractiveness lottery by developing a fit body, a better dressed style, a cleaner personal hygiene, a more interesting personality, a varied array of useful skills, and a larger collection of money.
There are lots of ways in which guys born with less than ideal genetics or guys born into a less than ideal social class can overcome this, and it is ultimately a matter of willpower and discipline. Yes, it is unfair that some people will need to try harder than others to achieve success, but that's life. Good luck. "Ugly" is a state of mind and is almost always solvable.
The Cockatrice
Member
what the fuck is this insanity you wrote. I'll be short because I cba to respond to crazy shit, but theres a huge difference between PREFERENCE and MANDATORY aspects. I see you got really triggered by a generalization joke so Im assuming you are part of the problem. Of course everyone wants the perfect man or woman. We are animals after all with basic instincts however its an actual fact that theres a higher percentage of women demanding ridiculous standards from men, than men requiring from women. I mean the jokes dont write themselves. The fact that you called me an incel over a stupid thing proves my point even further. Now kindly fuck off.
https://www.vice.com/en/article/ae55xk/men-who-swipe-right-to-everyone-on-tinder-explain-themselves
Actual data says otherwise.
I was in China from 2010 to 2019. Never had a date in the states (overweight my whole life and super shy in HS and College). First time was 23 in China. I was with about 25+ different ladies while in China Most were Chinese, but some Koreans, some Vietnamese, and a Kenyan girl were also in the mix. Most were well above my league. I guess since I was with them, they weren't above my league, though.
Hope that was 5k RMB my good man. But if she was your perfect 10, i could see going for it if I didn't need the money.
But, after being in China, and I don't want to speak too ill of the women here in the states, (there's a perfect cultural storm here to create this kind of superficiality in our culture, needing to be well off, super handsome, needing the "ONE", yadda yadda, or else you've "settled") but in general, the women in other parts of the world are not as shallow as the ones here. Not to say there weren't shallow women in China. Because boy there were a few there too, but at least I could get a date with another girl that was either just as attractive or more attractive (and many times uglier because I understand I am not the most desirable man on the planet myself) than the superficial one. Not so here. I've been on about 3 dates in the last 3.1 years since coming back to the states. One ended because I wasn't Christian but she liked everything else about me (don't get me started on that shit) and the others I, myself, wasn't into them. Besides that I'll be chatting with some girls on an app and i think it's going amazing and then i just get fucking ghosted. It's infuriating.
qwertz12345
Member
How much is older? 30s? 40s? 50s?
DeepEnigma
Gold Member
Been scooping them since my early to mid-30s. Now 40s, still have zero issues.
Blessed with good genetics, healthy diet and exercise so I look 10 years younger than I am, great job (self-employed), treat them with class and respect. Girls in their 20's don't want the fuckboys in their 20's more often than not.
Wildebeest
Member
Seems pretty anecdotal, but I suppose that optimism is at a low for a lot of people right now. Myself, I have a fairly negative opinion on human nature across the board and always have.
TuxedoSammy
Banned
My recent ex-bf; he's bipolar. That's a great excuse for the depression and ghosting, not so much the lying. He's a pro at masking and pretending to be someone else. He mirrored me. I thought he was kind, and he was always receptive to my opinions and thoughts, even the silly pointless ones. He was mostly liberal where it mattered most to me. Our interests and overall beliefs aligned.
Then I learned who he really was four months into our relationship, when he ghosted me for the first time. He wouldn't respond to my messages, so I tried to find him. I genuinely was worried he killed himself. We're long-distance, so it's not like I can show up to his house at any time I wanted to. I do know his address, but I live in America and he lives in Australia. With a trail of things he told me, I found his Twitter he never explicitly told me. In it I found not only was he still alive, but he was a really angry, more right-leaning person than I thought. I learned he lied about beliefs he had, such as agreeing abortion should be at the woman's discretion. He's actually very vehemently against abortion.
He stopped ghosting me after nearly two months. As much as I was angry, I was far too understanding of his mental illness and lies, but also, my own mental illness kept me addicted to him like a drug addict because I've never been as mentally stimulated by anyone else before. The dopamine was like crack.
I started to learn over time how he'd lie and dodge questions by either not answering or strategically answering with a "loophole." Saying something that's similar to answering the question, but it really wasn't. Having longterm experience with liars, I developed protective strategies to filter them out. He still failed them.
He's never directly insulted me, but he didn't have to dismantle me with his way of using me, discarding me, and constantly lying to me. At his core, no, I don't think he genuinely wants to hurt me, but he does so anyway. He suffered a lot of trauma and abuse in his adolescence, which has translated to a very fucked up person. I think he has narcissistic tendencies, as I believe his parents are narcs themselves.
While his trauma and mental illness may be valid reasons for why he is the way he is, my other three bfs were liars as well in a similar way, sans mental illness. They lied because they, ironically, didn't want to hurt me, or because they felt inadequate and insecure, or because they didn't want to disappoint me. It's strange, because I don't throw a tantrum or get upset when they are open and honest. It's only after I have to pull-teeth to get the truth after an entire elaborate ruse that I get upset. And even so, there's only been one bf who I raised my voice to, and it wasn't my last bf (not counting that one time with another bf I screamed because he kept refusing to relinquish my WoW pass after he set parental controls on it with his email, which not even a phone call to Blizz could remedy).
I've seen this common experience in TwoXChromosomes on Reddit too. It's like lying is the standard man's communication technique because he doesn't want to process emotions or experience an emotion he *THINKS* will happen. So he blankets it by making something that either isn't a big deal or will have little consequence with adequate communication, and makes it so much worse The irony is that it ends up destroying the relationship's trust and reliability, inevitably causing a break-up, rather than just admitting his fault and sitting in it temporarily until it's resolved via communicated options.
I'm well aware men develop emotionally slower than women and they perpetuate a culture that denies the expression of emotions, but y'all are fucking yourselves and your own relationships up. Let mom hug you, even if dad calls you a pussy. Yer dad is just a dickhead.
I don't think incel is too harsh for the people it's meant for (the real jerks). It's like Boomer, it's supposed to only be aimed at those causing the harm, not the ones actually trying to understand the hardships we all go through. At least you would hope people aren't meaning it for those that are struggling.
TuxedoSammy
Banned
I see why you're single.
Jsisto
Member
In reality, I think its less to do with a culture of repressing emotions, and more just men being emotionally different. We don't think or worry about things in the same way women do or have anywhere close to the same needs. We are built very differently, and there's needs to be more understanding of this on both sides.
DeepEnigma
Gold Member
All that does is reinforce that most men are desperate dogs that will fuck anything that moves. Thank fuck I am blessed and cut from the "I can be picky" cloth.
That you think only men perpetuate a culture of men repressing their emotions is pretty fucking rich.
It shows that men have to be less picky in today's dating market. You can be picky because you are older, and financially successful already. Most guys in their 20s don't have that luxury.
TuxedoSammy
Banned
I don't really agree. Perhaps the threshold is different, but all humans want variations of the same things. My ex was talking to me nearly everyday for hours a day for four months because he wanted to, not because I forced him to. Then the depression hit because of multiple factors. Then several days passed and he felt too ashamed to reconnect with me, so he drank himself into a stupor until he saw a video that inspired him to stop ghosting me.
We all want sex, cuddling, interesting conversation, someone who cares about us, openness, etc., but in varying degrees, that may also be circumstantial. It's not a matter of finding someone who wants those things, because most people do. It's a matter of finding someone who wants them in the same/similar amount as yourself.
I want to reiterate, while my ex lied about some of his opinions, I do believe he still held many that were the same as me. I don't date stereotypical macho/super masculine men. I like the more soft, sweet ones who are understanding and can actually formulate an intelligent conversation.
I absolutely think men would be far more sensitive and understanding to their girls if men didn't constantly criticize a man for being "wrapped around her finger." I've been on the internet playing video games for more than fifteen years. Most of the people I play with are guys. I've seen this behavior everywhere. Men are different when wifey isn't around. They have to put on a show to their bros and lie to their girls while they're at it.
TuxedoSammy
Banned
No, DeepEnigma is right. Most men have zero standards. They will fuck almost anything that consents, and will sometimes still fuck without it. Women sense this and we're instantly turned off by it because it tells us a lot of negative information about that person. It's a red flag.
TuxedoSammy
Banned
I don't. I think it's mostly men who perpetuate a culture of repressing their emotions.
Which is it?
TuxedoSammy
Banned
I said nothing contradictory.
Women are less shallow.
Standards are important. The ones about who they are as a person, not how big their tits are.
My standards aren't in terms of must be explosively hot. My standards are mainly to do with his character, which I stated in a previous post, and leniency on attractiveness. Which means there still needs to be some attraction, but it's not what's most important. My last bf is probably ugly to most people, but I still wanted to fuck the shit out of him.
Jsisto
Member
"Men have a problem that needs to be fixed.". Not trying to pile on here, but it would be hard to get more of a woman answer than this. Are there some men that are more emotional? Sure. But on the whole, men are more stoic and less emotional than women. We don't " repress" our emotions, we just don't feel emotion in the same way, to the same degree, and about the same things as woman. This literally goes back to the beginnings of civilization and across every culture. You are asking for a feminine solution to a perceived masculine problem rather than just accepting the difference.
I could make the reverse argument and say that women need to control their emotions and stop taking everything so seriously, but I'd be called sexist. See the problem?
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qwertz12345
Member
Yeah, I'd say that I was in pretty good shape up until 40. And then a change in job and lockdown happened. Never really recovered since, although I am working towards getting semi-trim by summer.
Yes, I know I have my work cut out for me. But I am trying. I go to the gym 4x per week, and also have a pretty good diet.
TuxedoSammy
Banned
You THINK you don't feel emotion the same way, because you've repressed your emotions. We feel the same emotions, but you've been disallowed to sit in them and feel them, thus have built mechanisms to cope--such as avoiding/ignoring them, compartmentalizing them, etc., all of the above--that women do not have because we're allowed to feel emotions. I've read all about this shit as I have a special interest in psychology.
All of my bfs have been more emotional and sensitive, and they've all repressed their emotions when they got too hard to process and talk about. That's why my ex ghosted me.
https://journals.plos.org/plosone/article?id=10.1371/journal.pone.0158666
Again data says otherwise.
Mossybrew
Member
Hmmm, yeah definitely some truth to this. I think a lot of men want to think of themselves as the rational ones, and will do a lot of subconscious mental gymnastics to rationalize behavior that is at heart driven by an emotional need.
Jsisto
Member
What if I told you that "most women perpetuate a culture of overexpressing their emotions"? It's the exact same thing as what you said but in reverse. I'm sorry, but there's so much basic literature to back up the core emotional differences between the sexes that I don't know what to say. To be clear, I'm not saying it's a bad thing, just that there's a clear difference of emotional needs between the sexes. This goes beyond your personal experience with your ex.
Also, you talked about " compartmentalizing emotions" as if that's a BAD thing.
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TuxedoSammy
Banned
That still correlates with what I've said. Men compartmentalize emotions and experience decreased sensitivity because they undergo a lifetime of "don't be a pussy" and have to be the emotional support, without reciprocation.
If men were allowed to be the more "girly" emotions: scared, sad, needy, etc., their behavior would reflect that societal shift.
TuxedoSammy
Banned
I would agree! Over-coddling is a thing, actually. I've always gave the advice not to over-coddle girls and under-coddle boys. A good balance is healthy.
Edit: I not only think it's a bad thing to compartmentalize emotions, but it's also very dangerous. Storing them away just means they'll come up later with a vengeance. Instead of closing-off alone at home, drinking away sorrows, which could possibly lead to death/suicide, you could confide in friends and do things with them that actually will uplift your mood. This is why girls typically are better at getting over break-ups and heartache. It's because we confide in our girl friends by pouring out our souls to each other and receive support from them.
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dotnotbot
Member
I had these kind of conversations with my female friends and it's funny how they all say basically the same things. Constant spinning and blaming everything on men and that typical sense of superiority with generalized statements like "Women are less shallow". One of them tried to convince me that it's not women rejecting shorter men but it's the other way around because men feel insecure if woman isn't shorter or some shit like this. Eventually I got dizzy from all the spinning and decided it leads nowhere.
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Jsisto
Member
If women were allowed to be the more "manly" traits: Brave, independent, confident, etc., their behavior would reflect that societal shift.
I don't see why it has to be men that change their core nature. Why can't we just understand each other better?
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I was chatting with a mentally disturbed woman a while back who said the same thing, right before blowing up and storming away.
Men and women even use different parts of the brain when reacting to emotional response.
https://www.sciencedirect.com/science/article/pii/B9780128035061000139