I'm not really sure what 'stealth deletes' mean in this context. Maybe it's a misunderstanding of how software works? I mean, when you delete a post, it removes it from the thread. If it was still visible (to people other than mod/admin) then it wouldn't be a good delete feature would it? We try to leave as much as possible but each post is taken in context and at face value. In terms of 'stealth', which is a heavy accusation when you aren't aware of what's happening or blatantly false if you do, here is a run through of the process.
If a post is deleted, the thread is given a quick glance to see what effect and quantity of responses are affected. Sometimes there may be one or two follow up posts that we remove as well if it's still fairly recent to avoid a derail. Sometimes if the spat is between individuals and the thread has moved on, it's more trouble to delete five or so posts across pages, so it's more effective to remove that one thread and inform the author what was wrong with it. When we do delete posts, we use the below functionality '
Notify author of this action. Reason: ' and type a message which should arrive in their notifications. This is as far removed from 'stealth' as possible. What you're complaining about is that
you personally don't know. This isn't high school. The communications between the mod deleting the post and the author is private, the onus or decision to share that lies with the user concerned. Maybe they do get shared via PM - we don't know - but if they aren't then it's a safe bet they appreciate the privacy afforded when this happens instead of public callouts.
In rare circumstances we forego notification, especially when the posts are low effort or deliberate trolling. We will put in the same effort as the poster who made the original reply. For another example -
beyond NI, as people seem to be insinuating there is bullying - there was a GIF posted in a thread yesterday which we felt crossed the line. Someone has quoted that in a spoiler further down the chain. This was also removed and we engaged with the user with a note acknowledging it was not malicious just misguided in the search for a cheap laugh.
Lastly, we moderate on terms of content. The above applies to edits as well as deletions. If there is a point being made poorly and has an insult at the end, we'd prefer to leave the point being made and just edit out the insult. Again, we use the notify feature for this when we use it. However in cases where people are just being antagonistic and there is nothing of note worth saving then yes, a deletion will be used. Usually the mod will just give a nudge and either ask the poster to make another attempt, drop the cheap shots etc. in the notification. It saves a thread ban and makes people put more effort into their response. Often they don't bother again, which proves that really they just wanted to have their swipe of little substance and move on. Moderation is about removing and managing friction most of the time, and in some cases it can pre-empting issues and using light touches before heavy smashes to course correct.
Which lastly brings us onto the public notes we add to posts. Again, these aren't used frivolously. And it's why we didn't choose to go with threadmarks etc. Smattering a thread with heavy banners, threadmarks of interest (which are subject to shaping the course of debate) and official communications just get in the way of the content and the debates. Public notes are not 'warnings' - we don't add like an account blackball or anything. We use these when a poster is testing patience cross threads, or when we want to illustrate what isn't going to be tolerated going forward. Lately we use them for reply bans so people don't quote and think they're being ignored.
There's always going to be some sense of unfairness, because there are so many variables when evaluating a post. In most cases, if we feel it's too far gone, or contributing nothing we afford the chance for users to re-iterate what they're trying to see without the emotion, insults or antagonism. If they persist then we have other options to ensure the impassioned and volatile exchange of ideas can be had without too much personal derail or pomposity.