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I want to be a father

R

Revoh

Member
Yeah not sure why I'm posting this other that being slightly tipsy, but just for reference I'm 34 years old, making good money for LATAM standards, in shape, etc, and for the last couple years I started feeling strong feelings of wanting a baby, and it mostly happens when I travel on my own, when I'm completely alone 100%, first time it happened during a 3 month stay in Barcelona and now I'm in Buenos Aires, and pretty much when I see a toddler I get teary eyed and feel this deep urge of being a father.

I think I'm ready but I don't a have a girl at the moment :( and most girls I meet are not wife material, that's why I'm still taking my time to vet correctly for a woman that's compatible with my lifestyle and my vision, but it's hard... I feel lonely as fuck.

Anyone relate or can share your point of view on this matter?
 
N

NinjaMouse

Member
Good luck with it, I can relate to some degree. I wasn't much into having kids and then one day, it just hit me like a ton of bricks. Life was on autopilot, and there were emotions/fulfillment I'd never felt and I needed it. That alone sent my wife and I on path to grow our family. We were lucky enough to have our daughter about a year and a half after that, and now 8 years later, I still regard her as the best thing that ever happened to us. Kids are a treasure.
 
feynoob

feynoob

Member
Being a father is not an easy job. You need to have the commitment for this role.

If you are ready for it, then there are 2 steps to do it.

Get funky and do normal relationship dating. You might get lucky and get your dream wife. If you dont want that, try to date single moms.

2nd step is to adopt a kid.

Both these 2 steps needs a commitment. So be careful.
 
W

WoJ

Member
I was the opposite. Didn't want to have kids. Now I'm 40 and have a 6 year old little girl. My wife really struggles with motherhood. That's not a knock on her, it's something she is open about. She turns 40 this year, we are too old for another. If things were a bit different for us we'd have another.

But my daughter is great. Love her to death..

Make sure you have a good partner who's values align. Also before having kids think about the things that bother/annoy you about your partner but aren't a big enough deal to really do anything about. Then think about how those things look with the responsibilities of parenthood in the picture. These are things that have been challenges for my wife and I. We have worked through them well, but not everyone may be so lucky.
 
D

Days like these...

Have a Blessed Day
WoJ said:
I was the opposite. Didn't want to have kids. Now I'm 40 and have a 6 year old little girl. My wife really struggles with motherhood. That's not a knock on her, it's something she is open about. She turns 40 this year, we are too old for another. If things were a bit different for us we'd have another.

But my daughter is great. Love her to death..

Make sure you have a good partner who's values align. Also before having kids think about the things that bother/annoy you about your partner but aren't a big enough deal to really do anything about. Then think about how those things look with the responsibilities of parenthood in the picture. These are things that have been challenges for my wife and I. We have worked through them well, but not everyone may be so lucky.
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I'm 50 and have a 4 year old. It's cake to me wife is mid 30's
 
TuxedoSammy

TuxedoSammy

Banned
I used to feel very secure being single. I didn't need no man. No, but really, I didn't feel like I needed one to complete me. After my last bf, it made me realize how much more fun, fulfilling, and meaningful everything is when you have someone to converse about it and share the experience. Prior to him, my bfs weren't nearly as intellectual, although I've always had fun with them. My 35-year-old manbaby ex-bf and I brain-fucked into a plane of drug-free ecstasy. I hate what he's done to me and I'm bitter.

I still intend to move to Sweden and live like a Disney princess in a forest talking to animals and picking berries. But it woulda been really neat to do it with the person I loved.

This is really irrelevant. I just miss my Bipolar ex-bf who'd rather spend twelve hours a day playing a video game than learn how to communicate in a healthy manner so we could coalesce into manic oblivion.

Yeah, kids. I dunno 'bout dat. Kinda selfish to produce babies in an uncertain, selfish world just 'cause yer lonely. Adopting would be a better option. OR! You can foster! You don't have to be with a spouse to foster kids, and it's temporary. Sometimes you can adopt them, but it depends on their circumstance. I've never done it before, but I presume it's a great way to find out if you enjoy being daddy.
 
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Beanbox

Beanbox

Member
TuxedoSammy said:
I used to feel very secure being single. I didn't need no man. No, but really, I didn't feel like I needed one to complete me. After my last bf, it made me realize how much more fun, fulfilling, and meaningful everything is when you have someone to converse about it and share the experience. Prior to him, my bfs weren't nearly as intellectual, although I've always had fun with them. My 35-year-old manbaby ex-bf and I brain-fucked into a plane of drug-free ecstasy. I hate what he's done to me and I'm bitter.

I still intend to move to Sweden and live like a Disney princess in a forest talking to animals and picking berries. But it woulda been really neat to do it with the person I loved.

This is really irrelevant. I just miss my Bipolar ex-bf who'd rather spend twelve hours a day playing a video game than learn how to communicate in a healthy manner so we could coalesce into manic oblivion.

Yeah, kids. I dunno 'bout dat. Kinda selfish to produce babies in an uncertain, selfish world just 'cause yer lonely. Adopting would be a better option. OR! You can foster! You don't have to be with a spouse to foster kids, and it's temporary. Sometimes you can adopt them, but it depends on their circumstance. I've never done it before, but I presume it's a great way to find out if you enjoy being daddy.
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Yeah creating new life is such a gamble. Also assigning yourself as a parent is a gamble. Respect to the parents who do it and end up raising well adjusted healthy human beings. I wish my folks had some sort of emotional or child training before they did what they thought they were "supposed to do". Life of anxiety and mental disorders for me and my sister, not fun.
 
L

Lasha

Member
TuxedoSammy said:
I used to feel very secure being single. I didn't need no man. No, but really, I didn't feel like I needed one to complete me. After my last bf, it made me realize how much more fun, fulfilling, and meaningful everything is when you have someone to converse about it and share the experience. Prior to him, my bfs weren't nearly as intellectual, although I've always had fun with them. My 35-year-old manbaby ex-bf and I brain-fucked into a plane of drug-free ecstasy. I hate what he's done to me and I'm bitter.

I still intend to move to Sweden and live like a Disney princess in a forest talking to animals and picking berries. But it woulda been really neat to do it with the person I loved.

This is really irrelevant. I just miss my Bipolar ex-bf who'd rather spend twelve hours a day playing a video game than learn how to communicate in a healthy manner so we could coalesce into manic oblivion.

Yeah, kids. I dunno 'bout dat. Kinda selfish to produce babies in an uncertain, selfish world just 'cause yer lonely. Adopting would be a better option. OR! You can foster! You don't have to be with a spouse to foster kids, and it's temporary. Sometimes you can adopt them, but it depends on their circumstance. I've never done it before, but I presume it's a great way to find out if you enjoy being daddy.
Click to expand...

Fostering is difficult and not for people unsure of their capability to raise kids. A foster child has all of the challenges of a biological child with the circumstances that led to them being fostered sprinkled on top. Taking care of potentially damaged kids as the system navigates through their poor home life takes patience and empathy. It's also painful since you're building bonds with children who will leave you in the best case.
 
TuxedoSammy

TuxedoSammy

Banned
Lasha said:
Fostering is difficult and not for people unsure of their capability to raise kids. A foster child has all of the challenges of a biological child with the circumstances that led to them being fostered sprinkled on top. Taking care of potentially damaged kids as the system navigates through their poor home life takes patience and empathy. It's also painful since you're building bonds with children who will leave you in the best case.
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I agree. It's absolutely something you should only do if you have the utmost patience and emotional intelligence. You're taking care of a human being, not a doggo. They're much more complex and have often undergone abusive situations, thus trauma. One must be gentle and thoughtful. I still think it's a good way to determine if you're capable of being a compassionate parent, as well as give meaning to your life, and despite possibly painful departure, it's worth it to take care of a kid, who already exists and needs love.
 
TuxedoSammy

TuxedoSammy

Banned
Beanbox said:
Yeah creating new life is such a gamble. Also assigning yourself as a parent is a gamble. Respect to the parents who do it and end up raising well adjusted healthy human beings. I wish my folks had some sort of emotional or child training before they did what they thought they were "supposed to do". Life of anxiety and mental disorders for me and my sister, not fun.
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Same. There are people who shouldn't mate, and my parents were two of those people. Could be worse, though.
 
JimmyRustler

JimmyRustler

Member
Revoh said:
Yeah not sure why I'm posting this other that being slightly tipsy, but just for reference I'm 34 years old, making good money for LATAM standards, in shape, etc, and for the last couple years I started feeling strong feelings of wanting a baby, and it mostly happens when I travel on my own, when I'm completely alone 100%, first time it happened during a 3 month stay in Barcelona and now I'm in Buenos Aires, and pretty much when I see a toddler I get teary eyed and feel this deep urge of being a father.

I think I'm ready but I don't a have a girl at the moment :( and most girls I meet are not wife material, that's why I'm still taking my time to vet correctly for a woman that's compatible with my lifestyle and my vision, but it's hard... I feel lonely as fuck.

Anyone relate or can share your point of view on this matter?
Click to expand...
Same here. I'm 36 and would love to be a father. It's not even about being lonely but about teaching and guiding someone. I never realized how much I enjoy this until I happend to become a trainer in our company and started working with 14-15 year olds. Doubt it's going to happen anytime soon though. It's not just about finding a women you want to have children with but also about finding one where I actually have a feeling that I'll have some say in the matter of how my kids are raised.
 
Braag

Braag

Member
I'm same age as you and I feel opposite lol
I see toddlers and I'm kinda relieved I don't need to deal with all that.
My girlfriend in my early 20s wanted kids really bad and I didn't cause I was kinda broke back then and didn't have a steady job. My girlfriend after that thought maybe we could have kids someday, we were together 8 years but we broke up before having kids (which is good I guess) and my current girlfriend is very much against having kids lol
 
L

Lasha

Member
TuxedoSammy said:
I agree. It's absolutely something you should only do if you have the utmost patience and emotional intelligence. You're taking care of a human being, not a doggo. They're much more complex and have often undergone abusive situations, thus trauma. One must be gentle and thoughtful. I still think it's a good way to determine if you're capable of being a compassionate parent, as well as give meaning to your life, and despite possibly painful departure, it's worth it to take care of a kid, who already exists and needs love.
Click to expand...
Have you fostered before out of curiosity?
 
Madflavor

Madflavor

Member
I'm a father of one. Having children is wonderful and fulfilling. You have a wholesome goal, but I think you're shooting for the stars right now. You're 34 right? For now you should just be focused on finding the right girl. That's going to be far more important, because you don't want to marry a piece of shit. I know guys within my circle who have had their lives and kids fucked up by an irresponsible mother. Here's what to do. Don't say to yourself "I need to get a girlfriend", because again that's a tough goal to put on yourself. Instead put yourself in social situations, whether it's a bar, a social gathering, or any place where people go to meet up, and say to yourself "I'm going to talk to one girl." If you accomplish that goal, then the next goal is "I'm going to talk to two girls". You get the idea. Keep it simple and easy for yourself. If you keep doing that, eventually you'll find someone. It's all about putting yourself out there, and taking things one step at a time.

As far as making babies, thankfully you're a guy and you don't have to worry about fertility problems for a while. Unlike women. One thing that will probably work out in your favor is if you're dating a woman who's in her early 30s, chances are she's looking to see if you're husband/father material too, because time starts being of essence for would be mothers once they reach their early 30s. Women like that don't want to fuck around with guys who are going to waste their time.
 
D

Days like these...

Have a Blessed Day
JimmyRustler said:
Same here. I'm 36 and would love to be a father. It's not even about being lonely but about teaching and guiding someone. I never realized how much I enjoy this until I happend to become a trainer in our company and started working with 14-15 year olds. Doubt it's going to happen anytime soon though. It's not just about finding a women you want to have children with but also about finding one where I actually have a feeling that I'll have some say in the matter of how my kids are raised.
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No offense but what in the actual fuck? Because you love train is that a joke? That is not reason to have a kid.
 
Christopher

Christopher

Member
…remember boys and girls I have five boys five boys. I contemplated getting snipped as some days I feel like I don’t have even a legitimate 2 second breath to my self.


Boys scouts baseball baseball baseball

Oh and you have to go to a million kids birthday parties.

Having kids is amazing but legit I’m exhausted. I work and am a dad I don’t know how anyone who is a dad has video game time or ever their own time. #vent
 
poodaddy

poodaddy

Member
Nothing in life has given me more fulfillment and purpose than being a father. That being said, gotta be careful who you decide to have kids with. You seem like a smart guy so you already know this, but I'll say it anyway; don't jump into this man. Take your time, make sure everything is stable and right. Sounds like you travel a lot....just so you know, I got out of the Army mainly because my kid was on the way and I wanted to be home for her. Travelling often is not conducive to raising a family. If you're not considering a career change, I don't recommend it, but that's just my opinion. Plenty of folks do it, but whether they know it or not it is putting strain on their relationships with their children.

Good luck to you brother.
 
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O

OZ9000

Member
I have a son.

I've always hated the idea of having a kid. It's primarily because I enjoyed my responsibility free life (other than my job). I also have the worst OCD on the planet. The idea of diaper changes freaks me the fuck out.

First two years were utter hell. Sleepless nights. Son who barely recognised me. He would often cry at the smallest thing.

The world is also pretty shit with perhaps the worst ideas being perpetuated in the history of mankind. I imagine a lot of kids will grow up confused.

Nevertheless I am now enjoying being a father and my son makes my day when I see him. I suppose it's because he's at an age where he can now communicate and interact much better than before. I'm no longer considered a stranger to my son. Reading books, playing games with him, taking him to the park etc no longer feels like a chore. He's one of the best things to have ever happened to my life. I'm grateful that I didn't push my wife for that abortion 3 years ago (yes this isn't a joke, but I'm a massive cunt tbh. Shameful I know.)

Now would I have another one? Fuck no. It's far too much responsibility. I'm happy - but in truth, life is much easier without children. They are a lifelong source of stress - though it could potentially be worth it if you are willing to put in the work.
 
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anthony2690

anthony2690

Member
I'd really like to be a father too and I know my partner would love nothing more than to be a mother.
I think it genuinely really upsets her, as we would need to go through IVF if we want children together, but we can't afford that.
 
D

DKPOWPOW

Member
I have 4 kids. Tonight when I came home, the eldest was awake. Had his chores done and schoolwork done, so we played Halo Infinite. That was nice. Probably merc'd some of y'all without knowing.

If you are feeling like it's time, then it probably is man. Just find the right gal.

Good luck on your quest to Fatherhood.
 
gaming_again

gaming_again

Member
Revoh said:
Yeah not sure why I'm posting this other that being slightly tipsy, but just for reference I'm 34 years old, making good money for LATAM standards, in shape, etc, and for the last couple years I started feeling strong feelings of wanting a baby, and it mostly happens when I travel on my own, when I'm completely alone 100%, first time it happened during a 3 month stay in Barcelona and now I'm in Buenos Aires, and pretty much when I see a toddler I get teary eyed and feel this deep urge of being a father.

I think I'm ready but I don't a have a girl at the moment :( and most girls I meet are not wife material, that's why I'm still taking my time to vet correctly for a woman that's compatible with my lifestyle and my vision, but it's hard... I feel lonely as fuck.

Anyone relate or can share your point of view on this matter?
Click to expand...
Nature doing its thing.

No rush, bro, just stay in shape. The energy having a kid demands is unfathomable before you have one.

And don’t be put off by people bemoaning the state of the world. A) every generation has believed its lived in the worst and final era and B) you make the world better by filling it up with better people.
 
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PuppetMaster

PuppetMaster

Member
Have a son. Love him!

But I am glad I waited as long as I did to have him. It is totally life consuming!

Say good bye to things you currently take for granted like being able to have weekends off. Sleeping peacefully. Or having free time in general.

I drink almost no alcohol anymore! Used to be pretty regular at bars etc. That's basiclly over. Even the few times I successfully manage to convince my wife to give me the night off to celebrate one thing or another... imagine having a hangover the next day with a baby shouting in your face and demanding your full attention.

I still manage to find time to play video games here and there. But it is far far less now. Even a few hours a week fully free time is hard to come by. It is usually after he has gone to bed. But I am often so tired by that point that I often just go to bed when he does. Even if it is still only 9pm or whatever.

I even got an email notice from Playstation that I had never seen before saying something like "Hey buddy where have you been? We haven't seen you online in a while..." And it made me laugh.
 
kurisu_1974

kurisu_1974

is on perm warning for being a low level troll
Almost 50 here, DINK for life.

If I see what my friends and colleagues have to endure just to have offspring, the years of their life that are essentially on hold... I can't imagine a scenario where all that crap and stress is worth it for me. I'm worried enough about my cat.

There's more than enough people anyways.
 
Patrick S.

Patrick S.

Amiga Forever
anthony2690 said:
I'd really like to be a father too and I know my partner would love nothing more than to be a mother.
I think it genuinely really upsets her, as we would need to go through IVF if we want children together, but we can't afford that.
Click to expand...
How much money would that IVF cost, if I may ask?
 
gaming_again

gaming_again

Member
PuppetMaster said:
Have a son. Love him!

But I am glad I waited as long as I did to have him. It is totally life consuming!

Say good bye to things you currently take for granted like being able to have weekends off. Sleeping peacefully. Or having free time in general.

I drink almost no alcohol anymore! Used to be pretty regular at bars etc. That's basiclly over. Even the few times I successfully manage to convince my wife to give me the night off to celebrate one thing or another... imagine having a hangover the next day with a baby shouting in your face and demanding your full attention.

I still manage to find time to play video games here and there. But it is far far less now. Even a few hours a week fully free time is hard to come by. It is usually after he has gone to bed. But I am often so tired by that point that I often just go to bed when he does. Even if it is still only 9pm or whatever.

I even got an email notice from Playstation that I had never seen before saying something like "Hey buddy where have you been? We haven't seen you online in a while..." And it made me laugh.
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How old is he?
I managed to start gaming_again when he hit 18 months old. The wife goes to bed with him at 8pm.

Weekend day gaming is a distant dream.
 
RJMacready73

RJMacready73

Member
having kids is like being sent to the front in WW1, you have no idea what to expect but you have an inkling its going to be a fucking horror show but you somehow have to survive and simply get through the pain and misery with the occasional moment of happiness, then its shattered and back to the shit again
 
NeoGiffer

NeoGiffer

Member
Days like these... said:
You can have mine. Lol
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giphy.gif
 
D

Days like these...

Have a Blessed Day
JimmyRustler said:
Train/Teach... You know, pass on knowledge... That used to be the point in having kids once instead of just pumping money into them.
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Never in the history of humanity has training/teaching children been the reason for having children . To procreate, to pass on your bloodline, etc. are reasons. You are confusing what you do with children which is raise them, teach them with reasons to have children.
 
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gaming_again

gaming_again

Member
Days like these... said:
Never in the history of humanity has training/teaching children been the reason for having children . To procreate, to pass on your bloodline, etc. are reasons. You are confusing what you do with children which is raise them, teach them with why people have children.
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Huh… this seems like a very abstract point of friction for you.

Teaching a child things is extremely rewarding. I can imagine somebody having a taste of that with a nephew or whatever and being driven to have kids of their own as a result, totally.
 
D

Days like these...

Have a Blessed Day
gaming_again said:
Huh… this seems like a very abstract point of friction for you.

Teaching a child things is extremely rewarding. I can imagine somebody having a taste of that with a nephew or whatever and being driven to have kids of their own as a result, totally.
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He wants to train he can teach kids to be mechanics or plumbers. No need to procreate for that.
 
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C

crazy monkey

holds a masters in liberal arts
Bro. Adopt healthy one.


Knowing people who have kids with disabilities you do not want one. There are many orphanage looking for people like you.

You can even support without adopting. Just support whole bunch financially and go meet them everyday
 
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