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[LordOfChaos]

Just venting half to myself here...

At the start of pandemic I had a brief relationship with a lot of potential, wild compatibility, very attracted to each other. This was something I really wanted to take long term, but she I guess sort of ended up in my city as a last resort and really didn't like it, but I can't leave right now because my mother is quite ill with cancer. So that one phased out as she sought a job elsewhere.

Sad. The next one was a girl who was pretty close by and I guess it was just convenient, but it was always a bit sus as she would gap out for a few weeks at a times sometimes and then come back like nothing happened. When we met in person it was always fine I guess. So after a while of that we had a conversation like, hey, do you want to make this more of a consistent thing, like at least respond to each other within the same day sorta thing, and she seemed enthusiastic about that in person and then...Just hard ghosted. I guess she just wanted me for my , so that's what that feels like[I've never done this to anyone]!

And now recently I had another one with a lot of good potential, lots of cultural connection, sort of hot off the heels of a divorce and wanted to go slow and I was giving her plenty of space, but it seemed good, until she let me know by text that she was feeling a bit overwhelmed and wanted to park this.

I'm fine with that and respect it, but I just seem to have such a bad luck streak sometimes. Something always seems to prevent an LTR from forming even though there was nothing really that wrong with the relationship except in the second case. It's not easy to find people you jive with either with an average looking man's 1-2 in 100 match rate, probably only a tenth of those will converse for a while and ask questions back and try to keep it going as much as I do, and then the fraction that'll get to a date, it's not like I have a bunch of options waiting either that would cushion these hurts. I know comparison is the theft of joy and all, but I see friends bounce from one LTR to another after dating like one person and I'm just like, how does that happen, do I just have phenomenally bad luck? Am I cursed? I might be cursed lol.

Anyways...Just venting. Or if anyone knows how to lift a curse that would be cool.

 

[Artoris]

Just venting half to myself here...

At the start of pandemic I had a brief relationship with a lot of potential, wild compatibility, very attracted to each other. This was something I really wanted to take long term, but she I guess sort of ended up in my city as a last resort and really didn't like it, but I can't leave right now because my mother is quite ill with cancer. So that one phased out as she sought a job elsewhere.

Sad. The next one was a girl who was pretty close by and I guess it was just convenient, but it was always a bit sus as she would gap out for a few weeks at a times sometimes and then come back like nothing happened. When we met in person it was always fine I guess. So after a while of that we had a conversation like, hey, do you want to make this more of a consistent thing, like at least respond to each other within the same day sorta thing, and she seemed enthusiastic about that in person and then...Just hard ghosted. I guess she just wanted me for my , so that's what that feels like[I've never done this to anyone]!

And now recently I had another one with a lot of good potential, lots of cultural connection, sort of hot off the heels of a divorce and wanted to go slow and I was giving her plenty of space, but it seemed good, until she let me know by text that she was feeling a bit overwhelmed and wanted to park this.

I'm fine with that and respect it, but I just seem to have such a bad luck streak sometimes. Something always seems to prevent an LTR from forming even though there was nothing really that wrong with the relationship except in the second case. It's not easy to find people you jive with either with an average looking man's 1-2 in 100 match rate, probably only a tenth of those will converse for a while and ask questions back and try to keep it going as much as I do, and then the fraction that'll get to a date, it's not like I have a bunch of options waiting either that would cushion these hurts. I know comparison is the theft of joy and all, but I see friends bounce from one LTR to another after dating like one person and I'm just like, how does that happen, do I just have phenomenally bad luck? Am I cursed? I might be cursed lol.

Anyways...Just venting. Or if anyone knows how to lift a curse that would be cool.

"Or if anyone knows how to lift a curse that would be cool."

Try men

 

[kanjobazooie]

Just be yourself and do nofap.

Joking

 

[LordOfChaos]

"Or if anyone knows how to lift a curse that would be cool."

Try men

Hah it IS funny how much more popular I am in gay bars, those guys have the right idea! But it's just not appealing to me to have another dick in or around me, I hope this feeling doesn't get me cancelled in several years

Just be yourself and do nofap.

Sounds like a good way to get backed up to my eyes and explode. See: OP

 

[Rox598]

Wait you get dates? Teach me.

 

[kanjobazooie]

Sounds like a good way to get backed up to my eyes and explode. See: OP

I was just joking.

Sorry about your mom btw. Cancer is a bitch.

 

[LordOfChaos]

Wait you get dates? Teach me.

That I do, I could try, tell me what you're doing

I started gymming pretty hardcore in pandemic and got to like 25% swole, and I started doing some stuff with my skin which I had until then treated like a strip of leather and it sort of worked out due to genetic luck, but girls love good skin lol. The other thing I learned is that if you put me in front of someone in person, chances are they don't hate me, but my same self with good photos and a good bio on dating apps is dogshit because only the top 20% of guys appearance wise are getting matches from 80% of the women, so on dating apps you're in the 80% of guys fighting for the worst 20% of women most likely. I can tell I'm getting more attractive in person though, and I sort of think as we age the balance is coming back with women trying to settle for a decent guy while maybe they feel like their value is lowering as they age, right nor not I'm just saying that's how some feel. So the good news is you might get better with time while they might settle more with time lol. Some finds were through friends of friends and just asking to chill if you feel good vibes. I did join a local matchmaker, we'll see if that goes any better.

So dates are never going to be as common for me as any average looking girl stacking a few in a week or even day sometimes, but I guess I get them with some digging.

 

[Rox598]

That I do, I could try, tell me what you're doing

I started gymming pretty hardcore in pandemic and got to like 25% swole, and I started doing some stuff with my skin which I had until then treated like a strip of leather and it sort of worked out due to genetic luck, but girls love good skin lol. The other thing I learned is that if you put me in front of someone in person, chances are they don't hate me, but my same self with good photos and a good bio on dating apps is dogshit because only the top 20% of guys appearance wise are getting matches from 80% of the women, so on dating apps you're in the 80% of guys fighting for the worst 20% of women most likely. I can tell I'm getting more attractive in person though, and I sort of think as we age the balance is coming back with women trying to settle for a decent guy while maybe they feel like their value is lowering as they age, right nor not I'm just saying that's how some feel. So the good news is you might get better with time while they might settle more with time lol. Some finds were through friends of friends and just asking to chill if you feel good vibes. I did join a local matchmaker, we'll see if that goes any better.

So dates are never going to be as common for me as any average looking girl stacking a few in a week or even day sometimes, but I guess I get them with some digging.

Just dating apps as I'm introverted af, shy, lack confidence and pretty ugly lol

Bad breakup last year with my first GF (together 6 years) and just can't seem to get "back out there" lol

 

[Bragr]

Hah it IS funny how much more popular I am in gay bars

Why are you hanging around in gay bars?

 

[Days like these...]

Find a married milf trust me

 

[LordOfChaos]

Just dating apps as I'm introverted af, shy, lack confidence and pretty ugly lol

Bad breakup last year with my first GF (together 6 years) and just can't seem to get "back out there" lol

Yeah dating apps are such shit if you're not in the top 20% of guys appearance wise, they're probably making you think you're worse than you are

Why are you hanging around in gay bars?

It used to be pretty normal for my straight friends to jump in there some nights? Probably depends on the city vibe? But then we started hearing the gays saying the straights were ruining it so didn't go as much lol

 

[Rival]

I mean maybe you aren’t finding “the one” but it seems like you’ve been getting pretty regular dates and stuff. There’s people out there doing way worse. Eventually it will happen.

 

[Rox598]

Yeah dating apps are such shit if you're not in the top 20% of guys appearance wise, they're probably making you think you're worse than you are



It used to be pretty normal for my straight friends to jump in there some nights? Probably depends on the city vibe? But then we started hearing the gays saying the straights were ruining it so didn't go as much lol

Yeah that's what I'm thinking too. Heard from a friend a whole ago she'd had hundreds of likes so pick and choose so knowing that I've no chance.

 

[Ash Sparrow]

Find a married milf trust me

Whatever you do dont listen to this guy.

 

[Days like these...]

Whatever you do dont listen to this guy.

Don't listen to this guy he's a hardcore Wacko Jacko the kiddy didler defender.

 

[LordOfChaos]

I mean maybe you aren’t finding “the one” but it seems like you’ve been getting pretty regular dates and stuff. There’s people out there doing way worse. Eventually it will happen.

I mean, "regular" with a lot of quotes...Am I an incel, not by a long stretch lol. But if I had like one, heavens forbid two good dates a month that would be a good month. My female single friends are dating a few a week and sometimes stacking multiples in a day, they're looking for the needle in the haystack and I'm looking for clues on the presence of hay lol. When I find some there always seems to be something not of my doing.


Sometimes one of those dates looks like she ate whichever girl was in her photos from years ago and spends half the time saying she wants to bite you.....Umm storytime if you want it Neogaf

 

[FunkMiller]

You’re not cursed. But finding the right woman can take time and effort. Took me a lot of false starts before meeting my girl, who I’ve been with for nearly a decade. Treat every failure as a learning opportunity. That’ll make you far better able to recognise the right one, and act accordingly.

 

[Rival]

I mean, "regular" with a lot of quotes...Am I an incel, not by a long stretch lol. But if I had like one, heavens forbid two good dates a month that would be a good month. My female single friends are dating a few a week and sometimes stacking multiples in a day, they're looking for the needle in the haystack and I'm looking for clues on the presence of hay lol. When I find some there always seems to be something not of my doing.


Sometimes one of those dates looks like she ate whichever girl was in her photos from years ago and spends half the time saying she wants to bite you.....Umm storytime if you want it Neogaf

I think we need the story. And don’t compare yourself to single girls. Anytime they want to throw some trash out on the street they know someone will immediately come along to pick it up. Us boys can’t operate like that. If you are not in a committed relationship and are getting a couple dates a month I think you are doing good.

 

[LordOfChaos]

I think we need the story. And don’t compare yourself to single girls. Anytime they want to throw some trash out on the street they know someone will immediately come along to pick it up. Us boys can’t operate like that. If you are not in a committed relationship and are getting a couple dates a month I think you are doing good.

Ok so

*deep breath*

This one time I was leaving the city so I quickly set up a date for when I was coming back without a lot of the preemptive talk about who they are etc, I guess I was tired of having done that hundreds of times so thought it would be fine to skip. Her pictures looked ok, she was interested, in retrospect I should have been sus that she was willing to come to my house right away on the first date.

She came to my house like 70+ pounds over what she last represented on her profile, I was confused at first if it was the same person the look there was so tailored to hide it/show the best. Like borderline catfishing even though she was technically the same person. I hesitated to just drop the whole thing because she had ubered there and I thought it would be rude to not at least give some time....Another mistake.

I didn't notice till I had already let her in but she smelled like bo/shit covered in perfume. She repeatedly kept going...I bite you...I bite you...On random things I would say, and gave this creepy ass grin regularly between her panting.

So after a very weird creepy chat I just pulled a "welp, I have to be awake to work in a couple of hours, sooo, what address can I call your return uber to?", couldn't wait to get her out my door. She was clearly wanting to fuck and I had negative desire for that, didn't get near her at the door because of the smell and weird vibe and she was noticeably upset that I wasn't even getting near her so she could go for a kiss.

On top of all that, this most uncomfortable date of my life fucking gave me covid lol

Mistakes were made...Upper head has had a chat with lower head.

 

[nush]

I was confused at first if it was the same person the look there was so tailored to hide it/show the best. Like borderline catfishing

It's called fatfishing.

There's also oldfishing, using pictures of themselves when they were younger.

 

[VaultBoy101]

I didn't notice till I had already let her in but she smelled like bo/shit covered in perfume. She repeatedly kept going...I bite you...I bite you...On random things I would say, and gave this creepy ass grin regularly between her panting.

 

[Rival]

Ok so

*deep breath*

This one time I was leaving the city so I quickly set up a date for when I was coming back without a lot of the preemptive talk about who they are etc, I guess I was tired of having done that hundreds of times so thought it would be fine to skip. Her pictures looked ok, she was interested, in retrospect I should have been sus that she was willing to come to my house right away on the first date.

She came to my house like 70+ pounds over what she last represented on her profile, I was confused at first if it was the same person the look there was so tailored to hide it/show the best. Like borderline catfishing even though she was technically the same person. I hesitated to just drop the whole thing because she had ubered there and I thought it would be rude to not at least give some time....Another mistake.

I didn't notice till I had already let her in but she smelled like bo/shit covered in perfume. She repeatedly kept going...I bite you...I bite you...On random things I would say, and gave this creepy ass grin regularly between her panting.

So after a very weird creepy chat I just pulled a "welp, I have to be awake to work in a couple of hours, sooo, what address can I call your return uber to?", couldn't wait to get her out my door. She was clearly wanting to fuck and I had negative desire for that, didn't get near her at the door because of the smell and weird vibe and she was noticeably upset that I wasn't even getting near her so she could go for a kiss.

On top of all that, this most uncomfortable date of my life fucking gave me covid lol

Mistakes were made...Upper head has had a chat with lower head.

Poo smell is a non starter. Lol what a weirdo

 

[Rush2112]

The curse of what exactly? You dated some women.

 

[jdforge]

The secret to getting anyone to go batshit insane wanting you is to pretend like you do not give one fuck about them.

 

[Trunx81]

Funny, a female friend of mine tells similar stories. If you’re in Germany, I’ll hook you guys up. Match made in heaven.

 

[LordOfChaos]

The curse of what exactly? You dated some women.

Force majeure every time I want a long term relationship

The secret to getting anyone to go batshit insane wanting you is to pretend like you do not give one fuck about them.

Imo, that's largely PUA stuff that doesn't apply as well in real life. Any girl average and up can stack options if she wants to. If you pay less attention to her she's just as prone to forget you and move on.

 

[Thaedolus]

Force majeure every time I want a long term relationship

That’s just how it goes until you find the right one. With my wife it was just like…k you like me and I like you let's try this. No games, no “we’re going too fast” or “I need space,” just move on if you get that. Find someone who has a mutual attraction to you, which can’t be forced or fixed if it’s not there.

 

[cash_longfellow]

Naw….That’s not bad luck, that’s just unfortunately how dating is these days. I was engaged for several years and we lost a baby and grew apart, so we decided to go our separate ways about two years ago. I have dated quite a bit over the last year and a half. Among the probably 10 women I spoke with regularity, 9 just ghosted with no explanation after several dates. The other I dated for about four months and we hit it off, she was talking about me being the one and we were twin flames. She pulled me in and gave me hope again, only to jump on Tinder one day and meet up with some random the next day. It’s legitimately sad, and I’ve gotten to a point where I am fully okay with dying alone at this point. Trust me, hang in there, your person will show up at some point…the key is to do everything in your power to keep her/him around when the serious shit happens. Don’t let that go unless it’s a last resort.

 

[nush]

Force majeure every time I want a long term relationship

Your problem is you are trying to force it or speedrun it. It's pushy/desperate and women pick up on that and on your side you are ignoring obvious incompatibility or problems becuse you're too focused on the endgame.

You've tried to get 3 LTR in a year, let that sink in becuse getting into LTRs are not a regular thing like that.

 

[LordOfChaos]

Your problem is you are trying to force it or speedrun it. It's pushy/desperate and women pick up on that and on your side you are ignoring obvious incompatibility or problems becuse you're too focused on the endgame.

You've tried to get 3 LTR in a year, let that sink in becuse getting into LTRs are not a regular thing like that.

Wrong on all counts. It's been three years since pandemic not one lol, I had seen the first one for almost a year, the second one for about 7 months, and the third for a few months now but wasn't pushing for a long term relationship yet, gave it plenty of space but apparently she just needed to process her divorce more. These were also just the notable examples where I wanted it to continue and not the continual meh/bad first dates that didn't go anywhere.

 

[Lasha]

Imo, that's largely PUA stuff that doesn't apply as well in real life. Any girl average and up can stack options if she wants to. If you pay less attention to her she's just as prone to forget you and move on.

The concept is real. PUA have corrupted the idea into a toxic form of not caring about women. Dating was never a primary interest for me. Having a good time with my friends and my own interests always came first. I treated women I met in social situations the same as any new acquaintance. I gave the nickels the same attention as the dimes because I was more interested in making friends than fucking. Women zero in on the romantic disinterest though and I never wanted for dates. I've had girlfriends who dated me despite me explicitly telling them that I just wanted to have fun and the relationship was temporal. I reckon its the idea that if a guy is actualized enough to act normal around the opposite sex then its perceived as confidence which is also a selling point.

 

[Days like these...]

The secret to getting anyone to go batshit insane wanting you is to pretend like you do not give one fuck about them.

Yeah, I pulled women way out of my league doing this when I was younger.

 

[Revoh]

The idea of ignoring a woman in essence is correct, in that it 'works' but your ignoring should come from you actually having shit to do, like working, gym, studying, etc. If you are just pretending to be busy then you are just playing games and can't back that up, eventually she'll pick it up and it will come back to bite you in the ass

 

[nush]

Wrong on all counts. It's been three years since pandemic not one lol, I had seen the first one for almost a year, the second one for about 7 months, and the third for a few months now but wasn't pushing for a long term relationship yet, gave it plenty of space but apparently she just needed to process her divorce more. These were also just the notable examples where I wanted it to continue and not the continual meh/bad first dates that didn't go anywhere.

My mistake I read that as "Since"the pandemic. My point still stands.

Almost a year
7 months
a few months

and lots of first dates. You're getting all this attention during the pandemic. So you can get more dates and attention than most men but they go nowhere, the common denominator is you.

 

[nush]

The idea of ignoring a woman in essence is correct, in that it 'works' but your ignoring should come from you actually having shit to do, like working, gym, studying, etc. If you are just pretending to be busy then you are just playing games and can't back that up, eventually she'll pick it up and it will come back to bite you in the ass

Basically, don't be too available. You don't have to be doing anything worthwhile just maintain personal space boundaries and not be too thirsty. Getting into a relationship with a woman that's gotten too used to you being on call for them is not a place you want to be.

 

[Woggleman]

After I broke off my first engagement I just focused on building my life up and if a woman comes along so be it. That was when I met a woman truly worth investing. Men should focus on building their lives and in the process you might just come across a good woman and if not you still have a great life. This PUA stuff will not work on quality women and the ones who do respond to it are ones you don't want.

 

[LordOfChaos]

My mistake I read that as "Since"the pandemic. My point still stands.

Almost a year
7 months
a few months

and lots of first dates. You're getting all this attention during the pandemic. So you can get more dates and attention than most men but they go nowhere, the common denominator is you.

I suspect poor reading comprehension is a common denominator in your life, or else if it isn't you just want to sound right and not care about what the actual point is. The only person this could possibly apply to is number two. The first moved to another city for a job and I couldn't, it hurt and we had no hard feelings. The third is still positive but she needed to process her divorce more and has left all the dating apps.

Most first dates go nowhere for most people. People generally like me fine, sometimes there's just no mutual spark. Those weren't even the ones I was talking about here, more the potentials that were lost for reasons unrelated to our relationship.

 

[LordOfChaos]

After I broke off my first engagement I just focused on building my life up and if a woman comes along so be it. That was when I met a woman truly worth investing. Men should focus on building their lives and in the process you might just come across a good woman and if not you still have a great life. This PUA stuff will not work on quality women and the ones who do respond to it are ones you don't want.

Yeah, I do this to a degree, like I said getting in shape and looking good was good change, and I have a solid career and my own house and everything, my ducks are pretty in a row. It does get tiring waiting for that someone though.

 

[Woggleman]

Yeah, I do this to a degree, like I said getting in shape and looking good was good change, and I have a solid career and my own house and everything, my ducks are pretty in a row. It does get tiring waiting for that someone though.

I didn't wait for anybody. I was content to play the field and be sort of a player until I met my wife. After knowing her for a month I thought to myself that I could actually share a life with this woman.

 

[belmarduk]

Just be yourself and do nofap.

I really don't understand the why for nofap. Is it some kind of religious thing? It would seem better for you physically and mentally to just let it out, so to speak.

 

[LordOfChaos]

I really don't understand the why for nofap. Is it some kind of religious thing? It would seem better for you physically and mentally to just let it out, so to speak.

The reasonable idea before the pseudoscientific health benefits was that if you're not fapping, you're going to be driven to go out and talk to real human ladies to be able to nut. That part alone is reasonable enough but then there was a bunch of nonsense about superpowers and higher testosterone (I think it peaks around day 7, and then reverts to normal, or something like that). In general, fapping is part of a complete healthy breakfast.

 

[FunkMiller]

I really don't understand the why for nofap. Is it some kind of religious thing? It would seem better for you physically and mentally to just let it out, so to speak.

It's the single dumbest bit of reasoning around dating and sexuality I've ever heard. So completely antithetical to the truth it's hilarious that anyone has ever been taken in by it.

 

[MaestroMike]

what are some of the girls that you are most attracted to look like that really make u go nuts so u don't have to fake interest ? some locations don't have enough of the type ur looking for its important to learn geography and figure out where ur type is grown so you can go hunting in those locations. one thing you can do is post different locations on instagram and see the photos people in those locations post and if you keep seeing women that look attractive to you that might be the ground you choose for ur next hunting adventure lot of bison in the rocky mountain states if you know what mean OP good luck

 

[belmarduk]

I would think that being horny all the time would impede most other thinking and I don't see how it would benefit anyone really.

 

[Facism]

Hoping your mum pulls through the cancer

 

[nush]

I suspect poor reading comprehension is a common denominator in your life, or else if it isn't you just want to sound right and not care about what the actual point is. The only person this could possibly apply to is number two. The first moved to another city for a job and I couldn't, it hurt and we had no hard feelings. The third is still positive but she needed to process her divorce more and has left all the dating apps.

Most first dates go nowhere for most people. People generally like me fine, sometimes there's just no mutual spark. Those weren't even the ones I was talking about here, more the potentials that were lost for reasons unrelated to our relationship.

Hmm I'm starting to see why nobody wants to be with you long term.

You cry when you don't get your own way and hear things you don't want to hear. Just like the OP.

 

[kanjobazooie]

I really don't understand the why for nofap. Is it some kind of religious thing? It would seem better for you physically and mentally to just let it out, so to speak.

I was just kidding with my comment.

I thought nofap was just a meme, but there are people in Reddit who are hardcore about it. They say it gives you an “aura” or something.

It’s basically new age stuff, so it’s more spiritual than physical. Placebo effect, I guess.

 

[Pidull]

I'm sorry you're dealing with the dating scene, I don't envy you at all.

If it were me, I wouldn't be trying on dating sites, at least not seriously. I'd be getting into local groups that share similar hobbies, whether that's gaming, anime, fitness, volunteering, or whatever else. If I get a match, cool, but I'd sooner try to make friends thru my hobbies, and then utilize those friends to find potential connections.

Good luck in your efforts.

 

[FeralEcho]

I really don't understand the why for nofap. Is it some kind of religious thing? It would seem better for you physically and mentally to just let it out, so to speak.

Speaking personally,I never impose a restriction on myself,If i feel like letting loose,I just do it however I do feel more fresh and energetic when I take a couple days off.So there probably is some science behind it but IDK.

 

[poodaddy]

I read threads like this for perspective. I try to have an idea of what dating is like for the modern man, something I've never had to do as every relationship I've been in wasn't initiated by me, and I think I've come to a decision from reading about your guys' various dating misadventures in this forum. My marriage of twelve years has certainly had ups and downs, and I've managed to keep it together by a fucking thread, (this is verifiable as I made a thread well over a year ago detailing how my wife was leaving me and how I was a fuckin disaster as a result), but overall I'd say we love each other and we're doing alright somehow. That being said, if for some reason we ever go on the rocks again and she leaves me....I'm done with all of it. Not exaggerating in the slightest. If this doesn't work out and she takes off at the 20 marks, as some women do, then I swear off all of it. I'll just focus on being the best dad I can be, (my consistent priority anyway), and I will be content to be alone till death, romantically at least. I cannot do what you guys do, couldn't put myself out there like that and get rejected constantly; I'm just not tough enough. I genuinely find you guys awe inspiring, that you fellas can have so many romantic entanglements head south and keep trying. Shit man, after one bad break up with a girl I was crazy about around 15 years ago I literally wanted to just be single and swear off relationships altogether. Didn't work as my ex wife relentlessly pursued and wouldn't take no for an answer, and fuck what a disaster that was, and then my current wife claimed me after the ex wife and I were done, but fuck if it ever doesn't work out for me man, seriously fuck it. I cannot measure up to the competition out there, I'm not a looker, I'm not intelligent, and I'm not wealthy. I hope I can keep my marriage together, but if I can't I'm just gonna be one of those lonely old dudes. You guys are rad for being able to put up with these modern women though for sure, kudos to you guys seriously. You're tougher than me, that's for sure.